friday the thirteenth

Dear Ghosts,

I used to say I didn't believe in ghosts. Those ghost hunter shows were kind of a joke to me. But at this point I've experienced enough ghost sightings to know y'all are real. I used to think of you as like, a friendly white mist... or a comical green gloopy blob. Maybe even a creepy shadow or an ethereal glow.

Turns out you are actually just a twenty-something bro in a snapback.

You are real but I've learned that I don't need a seance to contact you. It doesn't happen by chanting in the dark around some candles or something. The easiest way to contact you is just by swiping right.

What I'm trying to say Mr. Ghost, is let's be done with this haunting.

You are a good guy. You have potential to be more. But unfortunately we live in a world where ghosting is often the rule rather than the exception. We leave people guessing because owning up to our thoughts and feelings would be too difficult. We hide behind our screens and simply hope that the other person can "take a hint".

You know how they say that honesty is the best policy? I don't know when that phrase came into play but I think we should make it our golden rule. Because yeah, we live in a day and age where "swiping right" is equivalent to sweeping someone off their feet and "lets chill" is a reasonable date request. But shouldn't an attempt at love ask for better than our "best"?

There's a reason we call it ghosting, because those ghosts continue to haunt. Never giving answers, simply bringing up more questions. Filling the crevices of your mind and looming in the corner whenever the potential of new love arrives. Reminding you that ghosts have come before so why shouldn't they come again?

I don't mean to sound bitter because I get it, I've been there.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that while "all's fair in love and war", a little respect and honesty can go a long way.

So let's stop being ghosts and start being men.

Sincerely,

The Haunted

winter

But for real, am I the only one who can't NOT click on clickbait?

Like, I know its stupid and I pretty much always roll my eyes at it, but nonetheless I HAVE to discover "what will happen to me in 2017" and "the top ten reasons I'm single".

Anyway, if this post was clickbait it would be titled, "Top Five Reasons Winter is a Soul-Sucking Demon".

*spoiler alert, these are the reasons I hate winter*

1. cold feet

I think my feet are literally cold from November until March. Its a problem and I should probably go get it checked out.

2. time

winter more than anything is just a big-fat-time-wasting-inconvenience. Like hey you wanna go somewhere? Better plan on an extra 10 minutes to get dressed (hello layers), 15 minutes to dig your car out of an ice cave, and 20 minutes to drive at the speed of a snail. Winter is the season of dawdlers and I do not enjoy dawdling.

3. slippy-slidy

probably not unlike most sane people, I do not enjoy falling. Being almost 6 feet tall, we need take into account how far my head is from the ground, and how long I have to panic about the fall. It feels like I almost have a full minute to think about the pain before I actually crash. So I gotta walk like I'm 89 years old. Yet invariably I still slip and end up with a bruise the size of China on my thigh.

I don't even want to talk about the slippy-slidy effects of driving a car.

4. dry skin

maybe this plague is Utah specific, but seriously its the worst. Also I should be crowned queen of "being too lazy to put on lotion" so maybe I bring to woes on myself.

In other news, I was discussing this very topic on a date the other day. My date was saying how terrible dry flaky skin is and I told him, "lol its like your skin is snowing too."

*face palm*

This is probably one of the top ten reasons I'm single.

5. dark & cold

I understand that this observation is quite obvious, but in my opinion the best thing about summer is night time. It stays light outside until like 9 o'clock and then even when the sun sets its still warm. Summer nights are perfect for going on walks or doing whatever the heck you want.

Winter?

nah. its freezing cold even at the peak of daylight. Not to mention it gets dark at like 5 o'clock and then the only thing you can do is hibernate beneath a heated blanket.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these rare images of me leaving the comfort of my heated blanket and losing feeling in my feet. someone plz notify me when it is again warm and suitable to leave my home.

hope

Over the past couple weeks I've been thinking a lot about the restoration. Which, I mean, after being a missionary and talking about the restoration nonstop-24/7-for-a-year-and-a-half, this shouldn't come as much of a surprise. 

But to be honest, recently I don't think about it enough. 

So the other night we (my large and loud family) were out to dinner for my uncle's birthday (at a restaurant that has terrible flow so you feel like you are always in the way. but that is beside the point.) And I somehow got stuck at the kids table. I say stuck but tbh I do my best socializing with humans under the age of 12. 

So I was catching up with my sweet angel cousin, Roxie (age 10). The conversation went something like this:

me: "So Rox, how's school? What are you learning about?"

roxie: "Well we were talking about the pioneers that started a church in New York and then the came to Utah." 

me: "Do you know what church they started?" 

roxie: "..." 

me: "your church. Roxie that is your church. Joseph Smith grew up in New York." 

roxie: "really!?" 

me: "Yeah girl." 

At this point I proceeded to teach Roxie about the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And it seriously amazed me how powerful that message is. No matter how many times I talk about Joseph Smith and his experience and the gospel of Jesus Christ, I still learn something from it. 

This time I was hit hard by the message of hope. 

I am amazed by the amount of faith and hope that a young boy in upstate New York was able to exhibit. He went through so much heartache and yet he still had hope that Christ would answer his prayers, and make it all worth it. 

And He did. 

Elder Dieter F Uchtdorf said this about hope, "Hope is not a knowledge but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to us. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance." 

With a new semester of school knocking at my door and a fresh start peeking around the corner I feel that it is crucial that I find that same kind of hope. Hope that God know's what is best for me and that He is making it happen right now. Hope that the experiences I'm having will work together for my good. Hope that I am where I need to be, doing what He needs me to do. And the hope that God's promises are sure. 

I believe there is so much that can be learned from the small boy who read, "if any of you lack wisdom, let his ask of God." 

hope on, journey on. 

movie star

You know how sometimes you will be listening to a song, and somehow it feels like that song has become background music in a movie that you are now the star of? Like you are walking down the street listening to some song in your earbuds and all of a sudden you are the heroin of a sappy chick flick?

ok yeah we've all been there.

So this morning I was driving in a serious winter wonderland, which may sound magical and fun but is actually quite stressful and "oh shiz" inducing. And not to mention the fact that I hate winter. But that is another topic for another day.

So as I am driving *sliding* to my destination while biting back a few cuss words, the song,  "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson comes on. All of a sudden I had one of those "I am the star of this movie" moments. The irony of the words "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" began to set in as my breaks gave a feeble effort at stopping my car.

Thankfully I arrived at my destination in one piece with only minor PTSD.

But I suppose it was worth it bc my sister Meganne made my hair look all healthy and blonde so I can't say I'm too upset. Hence the vain photo to show off my fresh hair.

Cheers to surviving another day!

2017

You know how at the beginning of the year you are all like, "imma set 10000000 resolutions and try and be a better person bc new year new you, you know?"

Ok so there is a part of me that supports that. I believe its important to set goals and try and better yourself and blah blah. There is another part of me that thinks its dumb and unrealistic and actually just sets you up for failure.

What can I say. I'm a conundrum. 

That being said, its 2017, and I guess I'm going to join the mass of individuals who think this is "their year", and I'm actually going to start blogging again. Mostly because I work with this girl who is so kind and has this amazing talent of being able to see the good in everyone and make them feel incredibly valued. And she gave me the idea to blog again. 

And I said to myself, I love creating and sharing what I believe is beautiful and wonderful about my life, so here I am. 

HOORAY FOR 2017. THIS IS MY YEAR. 

Aug 3rd.

Dear Seven Eleven Man,

Ok. So I know that we've basically become best friends because of our daily interactions. I slide in and try to be nonchalant about that fact that I'm back. again. You say, "Hello! How are you!" in your most chipper customer service voice. I smile and say something along the lines of. "great! peachy! wonderful!" and then you charge me one oh eight for my fountain drink.

Our relationship was going great.

I knew you were starting to figure me out. I could read the signs you know. First it started with the subtle hints ("Is this a refill?") but over time the cues were more and more obvious ("Do you have our 7/11 app? You should definitely get it!"). I knew. I'm telling you. I knew you were on to me.

But today, you pinned me down.

Our usual interaction was going as to be expected.

"It's going to be one oh eight", you said.

I slid you the cash and smiled as you made some coy joke about something I didn't really understand.

And then it happened.

"What's your name by the way? I see you in here all the time"

dang it.

On the plus, Seven Eleven Man, you have helped me realized that I have an unhealthy appetite for your dollar Diet Cokes.

But I mean, I can't stop now right? We are on a first name basis.

Sincerely,

That one tall girl with the long blonde hair.

(Or I guess now you know, Kaitlyn)

Awe-ful.

Everyday I make the lengthy (3 block) journey from my apartment to campus.

And everyday, as my feet pound the cracked sidewalk, and my right ear enjoys the melodies streaming from my earbuds, I create awkward glances and brief half-smiles at innocent passerby's.

And everyday, just as I make it to the corner, I see something that makes me smile. The real kind of smile. A small, hunched, hispanic women curled up in her camp chair offering goodness to the world.

"Tamales!" she says.

This time my teeth actually show a little bit as I mutter a faint, "hello" under my breath and prepare for the ascent up the the never ending stairs.

In the background I hear the muffled sounds of, "Tamales! .... Tamales!"

and I smile.

 The other day I was listening to a BYU devotional. I do that sometimes. The topic of said devotional was, "personal excellence". I was interested because, hello. Who doesn't want to be excellent?

But something the speaker said really resonated with me. He said, "Be awe-ful".

Awe-ful.

He talked about how we, as people, tend to ignore the majesty and wonder that is the life we lead. We take for granted the miracles that are around us every day. He encouraged that we take time to smell the roses. That we find joy in the small, simple, and miraculous things that surround us everyday. He encouraged us to find our roses in December. Those things that bring us joy and make us have that unavoidable grin on our faces, even when it seems unfathomable to be so.

That's what the tamale lady is to me. And that is why I am here. To share the roses I have found even in the midst of my Decembers.